Fasten your emotional seatbelts -- you're in for a ride. I have long been a fan of Donna's writing, seeing her grow as a wordsmith and a person by putting parts of her own life under the microscope. Now she has stepped up to the task of taking us on her personal journey in book form. We don't have to read between the lines or string together snippets of information. In this book we are able to have the full experience. Stark Raving Sober brings all the elements together in one place and allows us to gain insight into a person who is struggling to get life right, only to have it jump back and bite her on the butt. As a talk show counselor for more than ten years, I am often frustrated by people who come on television and radio shows to explain their lives in sound bytes. They recount only the bullet points of their problems and then expect the viewer or listener to understand where they are coming from and perhaps even take their side. Donna is not part of this group. She writes from a place of both pain and victory. Concerned with presenting reality as she knew it, Donna does not attempt to show herself as superior and never paints herself in a deceptively favorable light.

Stark Raving Sober is a book about love and its steep cost. It is about insanity and how it can infect someone's life before they even realize it. It is about addiction and how it grows into a monster that ruins everything and everyone it touches. It is about humor and how without it, only despair is left. It is about infidelity and how others use it as a tool of manipulation. Finally, it is a book about redemption and how no matter how bad things are in a person's life, and they get really bad for Donna, she is able to find her sanity again and reclaim her life.

In Stark Raving Sober, Donna writes with exceptional transparency about a brand of love that is very popular and dysfunctional. In this brand of love, you will see that initially she is looking for someone who through marriage will make it possible for her to become part of a complete family. When someone is looking for another person or in Donna's case, something else to complete them, an unhealthy person or an addict will seem very appealing. An unhealthy person will come on so strong that it will sweep a gullible person like the young Donna off her feet and create an illusion that seems like what is represented in movies and television as romantic love. Whenever someone expects an individual to make their life complete, then they are more likely to select an impaired person. An unhealthy person who looks for someone to heal them will feel like they are getting deep care from the one who answers that need. Once either partner finally realizes that it was an unrealistic expectation that drew them into the relationship, they have invested too much of themselves and they feel trapped.

When working with people as a counselor, I am shocked by the effects that addiction has on not only the person drinking, but also on all those people who live with the alcoholic. I cannot tell you how many times I have seen spouses of alcoholics get away from the alcoholic, only to end up remarrying the same problem drinker or finding another alcoholic. As for the children, often they grow up to marry alcoholics themselves. The level of denial is huge, and in Stark Raving Sober you, the reader, will see how this invisible evil comes about without the people involved being aware that it is happening. If you have always wondered how someone with seemingly good common sense can find another version of the same person they chose to divorce, then reading Donna's journal entries will help unscramble that mystery.

People who have some of the same issues that Donna reveals in the book will see how she harnessed journaling, one of the greatest therapeutic tools in use today. Journaling one's daily events and thoughts provides an excellent way for a person to gain insight into their own life. It is easy while living with an alcoholic to lose perspective and many times even doubt one's own sanity because the alcoholic is either passively or aggressiovely convincing. Donna's journal entries, included in the book just as she wrote them at the time, reveal how this excellent therapeutic tool helps her make it through some of the most horrific moments in her life and gain a more accurate perceptioon of the events surrounding her.

Another important therapeutic tool confirmed in this book is the use of a proper support system. The reader will see how Donna makes the mistake early on of seeking support from people who are not capable of giving her the solid reinforcement she needs to break from relationships with addicted individuals. When she became willing to swallow her pride to seek help from people with the professional depth to help her, then her forward path to healing could begin.

It is not unusual for anyone who is caught up with an addict to believe that they alone can come up with an answer all by themselves. As you will see, a few knowledgeable people made an effort to inform Donna of the destructive path she was about to take. Donna does an excellent job in explaining how her distorted thinking kept her on an emotional roller coaster and unable to heed the warnings of those who had already experienced the craziness she was about to encounter. As a therapist, I see this type of thinking every day. People who live with an alcoholic have to live in a deep level of denial otherwise they could not stand the pain of everyday life. These people go to a therapist like myself and think that if the therapist can say the right words or perform some special treatment, then the "person with the drinking problem" will start living a "normal" life.

Another side of therapy is also addressed in this book. When anyone has lived with an alcoholic for an extended amount of time, then they, too, acquire many of the same traits as the person who has been "using." With the help of professiionals, Donna discovered that about herself.

Many people find it hard to continue living with an alcoholic who has stopped drinking, especially if that person seeks true recovery. A typical pattern I have seen manifested many times is that the attraction of the relationship was based on the addictive qualities of the user and once the user is in recovery, the partner has to look at their own issues. It is at this shift in the balance of the relationship that many partners will encourage the alcoholic to start drinking again or will create some kind of crisis which will bring on a relapse. Not many people are willing to sit down and write about the "dark side" of their life. When someone has to write about the ugly things they have allowed others to do to them and the people they love, the first thought is to throw away the paper and forget about it. Donna decided to confront her own personal shame and embarrassment and face her demons head on; consequently, you will be treated to vivid tales of chaos and confusion. For those readers who have been exposed to the same issues that Donna writes about, hopefully this book will be a wake up call because your life may depend on it. If you are a friend of someone who is presently living in a destructive relationship, then this book can be a great therapeutic tool to help those who might be in the same kind of denial Donna was early in her life. If you have heard about women in destructive relationships and always wondered how they got themselves into such a mess, then you are going to get a front row seat to a good woman, wanting love, finding sickness, and then finally she stopped digging herself in deeper and instead climbed out of the hole.

I am excited that Donna has been willing to open up her heart and her life for the sake of personal healing. In Stark Raving Sober, she places the reader in the mind of a life spiraling out of control. Through each chapter when you, the reader, think things could not get any worse, you will be shocked by the despicable way one human being treats another human being. Hopefully, Donna's story will shed much needed light on how a person who has been beaten down can rise again to a new and better life.

As a therapist, I have seen how hard it is for a person to make a fearless search of their life and take responsibility for their choices. So many people want to get better, but are unwilling to do the painful work. Donna is showing all of us how to move beyond the pain and into a life fully lived. I hope that everyone who reads this book will be as inspired as I was when I read it. I am so glad that I have had the privilege of knowing Donna and seeing her face her own shame in an effort to help others who are still living in their own personal hell.

Dr. Roger A. Rhoades, a licensed professional counselor for more than 20 years, is a popular relationship therapist who has gained a national following through his appearances on television talk shows. He is also a frequent contributor to notable magazines on such subjects as dating, breakup recovery, and infidelity. He has a Master's Degree in Religious Education with an emphasis on Marriage and Family from New Orleans Baptist Seminary, and a Doctorate Degree in Ministry with an emphasis in Pastoral Counseling from the Graduate Theological Foundation. His most recent book, "Living in the Moment," is available online through his cyber office at www.greatstuff.com

e-mail the author of Stark Raving Sober

desbyt@comcast.net